Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
