her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
