you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
try to milk me bitch
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