can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
