Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
