And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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