When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
