I think I died a long time ago.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
