Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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