We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize