if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
