A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
