you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
