don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
