One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
