Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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