my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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