There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
