I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
