I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
