Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
