Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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