saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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