I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
