420 ftw
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
