I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
