Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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