Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
