oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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