I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
