I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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