Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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