My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
