in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
