i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
one two three fourrrrnication!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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