Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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