i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
sex in a hospital.. check
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
