Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
