But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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