What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
