I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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