Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
