nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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