so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
That's when you crack a 10am beer
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
