At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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