And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
