I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
