There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
