I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
