3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
