Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
