its not stalking. its research.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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