I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
