It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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