we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
