did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
