after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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