I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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