if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
