I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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