i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
