Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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