I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
