not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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