You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
