you guys were way drunker than both of me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
