does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize