STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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