Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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