I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
